Release

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)

Release any negative, limiting, or self-defeating beliefs buried in your subconscious too. These beliefs may be about life, love, or yourself. Beliefs create reality. (Melody Beattie)

We had some time today between saying good-bye to our son and daughter-in-law, and heading to say hello to my sister and her kids in Burbank for the rest of the week. 

We did some more research and found my step-father’s gravesite. So we took the time to find him before heading to the airport.

This pilgrimage was an unexpected, unplanned passage of release. 

A whole lifetime of beliefs about myself were wrapped up in this one person. A man who loved and raged. A person, who was a beloved husband and father, and a marine. A human being who was broken and broke hearts.

He died eleven years ago, and I had forgiven him seven times seventy times, but I never released him.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that I remembered him this week. And that we were staying close enough to the cemetery to make this trek of closure. 

When I walked up to the etched, marble slab under the stark iron tree, which cast shadows over his name, a great release of sobs poured out. Layers of grief and unbelief shed, like the tears coursing down my cheeks.

I ran my finger across the outline of the cross. That cross engraved above his name somehow erased years of debt. 

I didn’t need to blame myself or him anymore for the heartache that brokenness forced upon us. 

The potential for redemption was outside of us, not within us, as I had believed for too many years.

  
    
 
I release….

I believe….

Rest in peace.

Circumstance 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT)

Be thankful in all circumstances … (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NLT)

Circumstantial evidence. If you asked me how did my day go yesterday, I could answer with various replies. It all depends on what part of the day we might be discussing.

I enjoyed a leisurely morning reading and playing around with my travel art supplies.

  
Then we met our son and his wife for coffee at a hip spot in the quaint college town. He told us all about how the company started and the business model of obtaining fair trade beans and how he toured their roasting facility. 

   
    
 

We talked about life and friendship. We walked back to the co-op grocery and past the spring chicks. 

 
We toured the campus and lab, which our daughter in law calls her second “home.” We strolled in the spitting rain, looking for cows and admiring the bike paths on campus.

Around two in the afternoon, the husband and I decided to take an impromptu drive to see the mountains near Lake Tahoe. 

Our son and his wife sent us off, encouraging  us to enjoy our adventure.

We took a leisurely pace. The lush, green moss on huge boulders captured our awe. A few miles further, we began to see snow along the ridge line, and then in the wooded areas along the road.

   
    
 

Somewhere in all this grandeur, probably back before the snow and the verdant mossy scenes, some dilapidated building reminded me that my step-father spent his last days in this area. I messaged my sister and she confirmed the name of the town, and that he was buried there.

While admiring the scenery, I did a quick search. If we kept going up the mountain, we would get to the highway near the cemetery. We agreed we could try to get there before dark to see if we could find his gravestone.

Circumstances seemed in our favor. We stopped for gas and sandwiches. I bought a single white rose to place at the grave.

Soon after our pit stop, the vistas became snow obscured, gray shadows. The winding road became our nemesis, covered with just enough snow and ice to warrant chains for our tires, which didn’t come with our rental car. Which you wouldn’t need if you stayed in the flat valley.

We kept thinking there must be an alternate route, where we could get by without chains. So we kept driving the perimeter of the lake.

   
    
  

We never did find a way out that didn’t include buying chains. 

However, we did persevere without out them for almost the entire perimeter of the lake and into Nevada, where we drove further out of our way to catch the interstate out of Reno.

And around 9:30pm, we were directed to get off the interstate just before Donner Pass to purchase chains. I wish I could say we didn’t swear or grumble about it. But the circumstances were ripe for major frustration.

Although, I am glad to report that after driving hundreds of miles out of our way and hours longer than we had hoped, Les valiantly figured out how to attach said chains in the blowing, cold snow outside the Shell station, where we spent double the usual price. 

How convenient.

We slowly made our way back onto the highway, driving less than 30mph over Donner Pass and the long descent back to the valley. The chains thudded in time to my anxious thoughts, as we strived to maintain our dignity.

For a brief moment, I began to blame myself for our circumstance. 

And then, I realized that I wasn’t that powerful. 

I don’t tell the snows when to fall. I don’t make up the laws of California. I didn’t decide by myself to take this adventure.

Our deep exhales and Les’ tenacity and ability to handle stressful circumstances became our adventure weary prayers. 

As we parked the car back at the hotel at 1:30am, we breathed a grateful thank you, and texted our son that we were safe.

  

Rest in peace.

Goodness

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life… Psalm 23:6 ESV

The small happy moments add up. (Melissa McCarthy)

Traveling over a thousand miles to see your loved ones

Bread, salt and wine with hints of bubblegum, watermelon and Skittles (It’s a Wonderful Life housewarming gift)

Meeting Aslan, Kaylee and Mellow in real life

Sharing meals

Catching up with one another

Sharing stories; joys and triumphs

Walking and talking

Sharing hopes and dreams and funny tidbits

Getting to know each other again

Baby chicks, co-ops, used books and farmers markets

Drinks at City Hall

Zootopia

Ice cream sandwiches made of warm cookies and creamy cold frozen confection 

Witnessing how much love matters 

Watching your kids show off their their pride and joy (rescued kitties)

Being together

Some photos snapped along the day:

   
 
   
    
  
   
  
List your small happy moments.

What evidence of goodness and mercy have you witnessed lately?

Water

 Then God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters. (Genesis 1:6 NASB)

We never know the worth of water, until the well is dry. (Unknown)

  
    
    
    
    

Prompts for today:

When I think of water, I…

I thirst for…

Looking for patterns and interesting correlations…

Stuff

They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them. (Psalm 78:11 ESV)

“It’s so easy to look around and notice what’s wrong.” (Melody Beattie)

These two sentences struck me today. How easy it is to forget. How easy it is to notice what’s wrong.

I haven’t been blogging. I have ideas, and then they fizzle out. I wanted to get back to prompts and inspiration. I wanted to wax eloquent about the changing of seasons, or to lament my lack of motivation.

Instead, I’m going to pose a question to myself, and to you:

What’s right? With you? With life? With the world we live in?

And then I’m going to leave you with some stuff.

Some photos that could be categorized as “something is wrong,” or maybe not. What if we looked at these photos and asked, “What is right? What is good? What evidence of abundance can I find?”

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And just a little more stuff to ponder…

I wanted to share the final post in the pilgrimage series 

and Sylvia’s reflection on the art piece I shared last week.

And one last quote: “The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.” (Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go)

Don’t forget it’s okay to dialogue with me or the quotes, photos, etc. Agree or Disagree. Make your argument, it’s good for the soul!